What Makes a Good Mother

I would like to start this post out with a couple of shout outs. Two of my favorite Mamas, Kris Marie and Jammie, this post is for you. I hope that neither of you feel judgment or disapproval from me. I may joke with you about what I would do differently, and I may be blunt about what I think you should be doing differently, but when it comes down to it, you're raising amazing children that I know are going to grow into people that are healthy, responsible, and full of personality. I know a lot of mothers and believe that most of them are doing a great job. I may not always agree with the decisions they make, but I do agree with their hearts and can respect their reasoning.




Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 King James Version

There is no right answer for being a good mother and raising your children well. None. What works for you may not work for me. And what works for me could destroy your family. I've been planning on mimicking Jammie's post on the core values of parenting for my person family soon. But before I do that, I wanted to emphasize this point: We all parent according to our own family and children.

The verse I posted above is frequently used to say that if you do it right, that if you raise your kids in the church, and if you make all the right decisions, that your kids will grow up to be Christians and be the perfect child. And then when your child does NOT grow up to be perfect, that verse is used to make you feel like you failed your child and your church so you therefore have absolutely no business helping other younger parents make the right decisions. WRONG! The more I have studied and been taught about this verse the more I disagree with the normal interpretation. I believe it means that when you raise (or train up -- love that terminology) your child, do it in the way that works for that child. Raise them up according to their personality, according to the (true) desires of their heart, and according to what is best for them, and they will always be people that are confident in themselves and make responsible decisions.

That leads to the question: What does it mean to train up a child? A quick google of "train" definitions, if you ignore the obvious choo choo definitions, leaves you with this:
v. trained, train·ing, trains
v.tr.
1. To coach in or accustom to a mode of behavior or performance.
2. To make proficient with specialized instruction and practice. See Synonyms at teach.
3. To prepare physically, as with a regimen: train athletes for track-and-field competition.
4. To cause (a plant or one's hair) to take a desired course or shape, as by manipulating.
5. To focus on or aim at (a goal, mark, or target); direct. See Synonyms at aim.
v.intr.
1. To give or undergo a course of training: trained daily for the marathon.

I love it. To train up a child means to lead them in the way they should go. To make them proficient in LIFE. A natural part of coaching is discipline. You teach through rewarding positive behavior and using negative discipline for behavior that should be avoided. So I'm going to TRAIN UP my children according to their interests, their personalities, and their personal needs. My children are EXTREMELY different, so I'm going to raise them differently in a lot of areas. I still have the same basic rules. I am doing the best I can for each one. But each of them needs something different, so I respond differently to each child. Kairi may be in preschool at a much earlier age than Alex. If that's what SHE needs. Alex needs a lot more snuggle time and comfort after being disciplined than Kairi. So be it. The point is, each one needs something different, and it's my job as a mother to learn and apply what that is for each child. That's MUCH harder than just picking a parenting method and going with it.

This means that I'm going to learn as much as I can from every person I can possibly talk to, every source I believe could possibly have a positive influence on my parenting, and from my children, and THEN making a decisions that fits my child, our family, and our values. It means that I'm going to listen to my mom's advice, my doctors' advice, my friends' advice, and "the experts'" advice, my gut instinct, and then I'm going to make a decision for our immediate family -- and I may completely ignore every one else's advice and just trust my gut, or I may contradict my gut and follow the advice of those around me. (Trust me, usually mommy instinct is right, though.) I also try to learn from my past experiences, failures and successes, in parenting. I did things differently for Alex as a baby than I did Kairi; and I will always do so because I learned from my mistakes with Kairi.

So when it comes down to it, what makes a good mother in my eyes? Doing the best you can, learning as much as you need to, and then trusting your own decisions. Doing what's best for your child, for your family. Allowing God to guide your decisions. That leaves a lot of room for what you should be doing, doesn't it? I love that God didn't specifically say "Do it this way, the one and only right way, and your kids will be fine". And I know that He didn't because He knew that each of us are different, and that each of us have free will to make our own decisions regardless of our parenting, and that each of us are too imperfect to do it just right.

Today, believe in yourself, and trust your decisions. You ARE a good mother.