Weird Dream

You know that family member that I wrote at letter to at the very beginning of it all? The one that I was super annoyed with?

Well, I just had a dream that revolved around that person. I was trying to justify why I didn't spend every minute seeing her while I was in Texas, despite the fact that she never came to see me. And after waking up I realized, apparently her accusations are bothering me. I know that she's always frustrated that I don't see her enough when I'm there, but she's always made family (and me) a last priority so I don't see why I should be obligated to be around her. Oh, but I have to go see her, she can't come to where I am, even though I've traveled over a 1000 miles just to get to the town she's in... driving 3 miles to my parents house is too much work for her. And I know that since she's divorced she thinks that the whole world (especially her family) owes her something to help the "poor poor victim". But I think that she's wrong.

I hate that I allowed her accusations enter my dreams. I hate that I explained myself to her in my dream -- it means that I probably feel like I need to in real life. Because in the end, is she worth the drama? Nope. In the end, does she enhance my life in any measurable way? Not one bit. In the end, do I even like being around her on a short term basis? Not at ALL. So why in the world am I letting her disapproval and her always questioning why I don't bend over backwards for her affect the way I feel? I worst up in the absolute worst funk. (As if I needed help being in a funk.) And that dream is so clear in my memory.

So in line with my New Life Plan (I'll explain later, when I finally finish the post), I'm vowing to not allow her make me feel this way again. I'm not sure yet how I'm going to make it stop, but I've gotta find a way.