Pleeeeeease

Sunday while at the zoo, Chris and I ran into a couple with a child Kairi's age. They heard her talking to us and were amazed at how well she spoke. While marveling over her (which yes, she speaks well and I'm super proud of her ... but it's not something to throw a party over), I was able to witness something that helped me have a little insight into why Alex is so grumpy. Their son wanted a drink, so without having to ask for it, he whined and hit it in his dad's hands. They gave him the drink while asking if he was thirsty -- never giving him the chance to respond. He wanted out of the stroller, so he starts shrieking and trying to get out, and they let him out without him ever having to say what he wanted. We did hear him say a couple of words to Kairi, so I know that he's able to speak, but he wouldn't around his parents. And I hypothesize that it's because he never HAD to say anything. How does that relate to Alex?

One of the reasons Alex is becoming more and more unbearable is that he's realized that we don't understand what he wants most of the time, so within seconds of us not understanding him he's screaming. I know he's frustrated, and I do feel for him. Can you imagine what it's like to know what you want and know that you would be allowed to have it if you could just some how let the people that love you know what you want -- but you can't get them to understand? You'd be pretty frustrated too, right? Now that I've recognized that that's one of the reasons for his constant whinyness, I've decided to treat it the way I did Kairi at this age. Granted we were already doing this ... but I'm becoming more insistent and consistent with it.

Alex wants a "coke" (drink of any sort is named coke). He knows the word coke, he also knows how to say please. Instead of him just bringing me the drink, or instead of him just yelling coke, he has to do the following to get something to drink:
Bring me the cup and tell me coke please. When we first started this, 90% of the time, he'd do one, but not the other. Or he'd tell me coke, but not the please. Or the please but not the coke. And we were/are battling over it. And once he's got his coke, he has to say thank you, or he doesn't get to keep it. I know it sounds strict. But here's the result. This morning he had finished his drink and was still thirsty. Without prompting, he brought me his coke and said "coke leeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaasssse Nonny!". I quickly refilled it for him, and he with the biggest grin chanted while walking into the living room, "tank oo! tank oo! tank oo Nonny! tank oo! tank oo! tank oo Nonny!". :) Melted my heart. He knew what he needed to say to get what he wanted, and he did it. And all frustrations melted away. Not only that, but he was polite.

We are also working on other words. Book and read -- if he wants us to read he needs to say book please or read please while handing us the book. Pacifier -- he has to ask for his pacifier before bed with paci please. Up please. Down please. More food please. Draw please. Help, truck, name of whatever toy he wants, go, church. We're insisting that he use the real words. And while I know it frustrates him right now, before long I know he'll be proud and grinning because he was able to say what he wanted to say. Kairi has a bad habit of trying to tell me what it is he wants while he's crying (I swear they have their own language, similar to a twin language), but I'm refusing to respond unless it's Alex that tells me. And it's working.

As I mentioned earlier, we did this with Kairi while I was living in Texas, and I think it worked. I frequently hear compliments on how polite Kairi is and how well she speaks. But I will say that just because she can say the above does not mean that I'm stopping there. It frustrates Kairi as well, but I'm insisting that she attempt whole sentences. Instead of just coke please, we have an entire process we go through. She says coke please, I tell her to ask like a big girl and say "Please may I have coke Mommy?" and she usually repeats back "Please may coke Mommy?" or something similar. She adds in a new word to the sentence on a regular basis. And again, we insist on thank yous.


I don't think that this is necessarily the only way to do things or even the best way, but it works for us. And I'm so proud of my little man. This morning he's been able to ask me for more food, more coke, and a toy he couldn't reach. And all three did not involve any screaming or whining. :) Ahhh ... the sound of sweet success. Pleeeeease. :)