Reading the Bible -- in 90 Days

The journey this last fall has taken me on has been hard. I felt like my life was crumbling and I couldn't get my hands closed tight enough to keep it from sliding through my fingers. I didn't blog through a lot of it -- mainly because I wasn't sure what I wanted to share with the entire world and what I would want to have shared once this time passed. I would like to say that we're past that time, but I will admit that that may be a bit premature. My marriage still needs work especially when facing a deployment (although, not near as much as it did), Alex's communication skills are getting worse, financial stress is still there (just thankfully to a lesser degree), and I'm still battling with my health as well.

Here's what's not premature though -- admitting that I will never be able to hold my hands together enough to keep it from all falling apart. There is evil in this world. Jesus came to defeat that evil, but until He comes back for the final time that evil will continue to work and will leave it's mark on my life. That doesn't mean, though, that I have to play the victim. I know that my Savior is willing to carry me through it. He's willing to work in me to defeat evil, but I have to give Him control. I like having control -- I crave it. But everytime I try to take control, it makes life worse for me. I was born with a sin-disease that taints my decisions. His guiding through my life isn't tainted by sin.

This fall when I went to turn it back over to my God, I realized that it was harder to do than I expected. For one, I was having a hard time letting go. And for another, I found that He was farther away than I had expected -- not that that was His fault. Not at all -- I shoulder that blame completely. I found that in turning control over to Him, I was also having to draw myself back into Him.

And it helped. Oh boy, did it help. Even in those areas that still need work -- and there's a lot of them -- I don't feel overwhelmed anymore. I don't feel like screaming, crying, and/or giving up. Instead I know that I'm supported by a gracious Savior that will carry me through the roughest of times.

Rough times are still ahead of us. "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart."

Chris deploys in 10 days. Of those 10 days, Chris works (all day -- no coming home at all) for 4 of them, I'm going to be gone for 2 of the days he works and 2 of the days he doesn't. So that leaves 4 days that I get to spend with him. That's going to be hard. Add the rest of life to the mix, and I know that that only way to keep my head above water right now is to rely on God. So this time, instead of waiting for things to get bad to to draw myself into God -- I'm starting where I'm already at and going deeper in.



Mom's Toolbox is starting on January 1st a campaign to read the entire Bible in 90 days and she's asking others to join in. It means committing approximately an hour a day for 90 days to reading the Bible. I'm so excited to join her on this journey. I'm excited to see the "big picture" again; I'm excited to see how the little details fit into the big picture; I'm excited to reread the parts I'd forgotten as well as being excited to reread my favorite stories. Most importantly, I'm excited to remember that whether I have physically have a husband by my side right now supporting me or not, that I have a husband in Christ that is the perfect support and strength. I know that with Him I can not only survive this deployment, but I can make it good. :)




If you're interested in joining this journey through the Bible, visit Mom's Toolbox. I'd be thrilled to have you doing it too so we can read, discuss it together, and hold each other accountable. :)

Owning It

(Check out the blog from today before this one HERE for Alex's er story, and my letter to my husband for Father's Day HERE.)


Even the most amazing church has things they need to work on. We are all still human, so we're all still prone to making mistakes and having areas of weakness. The church being a body made up of all humans, would then naturally be that way too. So why is it that it's so hard for most churches to admit that they have places that need work? I truly believe that when churches ignore their problems, it only makes the unchurched's argument that we're all hypocrites stronger. It makes us seem unauthentic and not genuine. If we would only be willing to admit to ourselves and to the world that we're doing the best we can, but we don't that we don't have it exactly right ... we might see more people that would be willing to talk to us.

That being said, I am once again impressed with the church we attend. There's a problem at our church ... we're just not growing. It's not that we're not genuine in our faith and our beliefs because we are. It's not that we don't have a passion for lost souls; we do -- we support and attend missions throughout the world. The problem is that we are so focused on taking care of each other, loving on each other, and meeting the needs of those we already have, that we don't pay as much attention as we should to those that aren't a part of our congregation.

Most churches would spend their time patting themselves on the back for taking such good care of their own. And we are proud of that. Most churches would pretend that this isn't a problem. But it is. And if this problem was addressed in most churches, it would be by the elders and ministers sitting down and forming a plan to correct it. Which we are doing -- sort of.

Sunday mornings our preacher is spending his time preaching about church growth and how it relates to us directly. He's being real, and honest, and not sugar-coating things. Sometimes, that hurts. But that doesn't mean that it's not necessary. Afterwards, on Sunday nights we've been having "round table discussions". As a church, we're identifying the problems -- everyone has a voice. We're brainstorming solutions -- again, everyone has a voice. And then people are volunteering to be part of a team that solves that problem using the general consensus of the members.



I'm not sure that I've ever been a part of a congregation that was so real and open. It's refreshing to see them latch ahold of this problem, and own that this is who they are, but that it needs to change. And it's personally inspiring to me.


I want to be a person that when faced with a problem, I own it. I own that I'm not perfect, that I can't be perfect, but that I'm doing the best I can. And then I want to be honest with myself enough that I can brainstorm solutions so that I can create a plan of action and implement it.

Right now, I'm owning that I don't spend enough time in the Bible. I hunger for more time with God, and I'm willing to admit that the only thing that keeps me from that is me. Now, that's not saying that I don't have perfectly good excuses for, but in the end, they're just that -- excuses. So I'm making a plan -- to turn off all sounds and clear the table, and spend 30 minutes reading and praying every evening once the kids are in bed. Instead of switching straight into "get ready for the next day" mode, after they're asleep, I need to set aside time for me to really concentrate and on my relationship with God.


What do you need to own? Do you have a plan for responding to that?

"Truth Truck" -- Let's have some honesty here

My mother has been volunteering at the Crisis Pregnancy Center (now known as The Life Center) in Midland since I was in high school. Maybe before that even, but I can't say that with certainty. I remember volunteering there in high school and even doing a little bit of data entry for them in college. My youngest brother still dedicates time whenever he's able to helping out there. To say that my family wholeheartedly supports The Life Center and believes in their cause would be an understatement. We are committed to doing what we can to help those girls that are considering abortion in order to change their minds. The Life Center focuses on loving their clients, promoting sexual purity, and educating teens and parents on sexual purity, stds and abortion.

The preacher at my church has recently been talking on truthful grace. It is the balance of standing up for what is right, standing firm on our values, while still showing the grace and compassion that Christ showed us to the rest of the world. None of us are righteous on our own in the eyes of God. It is only through the blood of Christ which was spilled because of His LOVE for us, that we are able to have a relationship with God and to be called His children. Truthful grace -- what a concept.

Where is this coming from? Why all the information?

I am furious.

I recently learned of a "ministry" called Operation Rescue. I use the term ministry lightly as I believe that a true ministry is devoted to showing others the love of Christ and to reaching them through that love. This ministry has created a truck called the Truth Truck. It is based on the theory that when people are faced with the truth about abortion through pictures of aborted babies, that they will have no choice but to change their mind and not support abortion. And it's probably right. But they put it into practice by plastering pictures of aborted babies all over a cargo truck, and then driving that truck through major cities. BAD PRACTICE.

Visit www.truthtruck.com in order to see pictures of this truck. WARNING -- VERY VERY VERY GRAPHIC.

To me, this sounds exactly like something that an overzealous teenager would dream up. I say teenager, because only a teenager would not think through the consequences of such an action:

~Young children will see this. Can you imagine driving through traffic in Sacramento and your 2 year old son being terrified by this truck, and then being stuck NEXT to the truck for over 20 minutes? Can you hear him crying for you to save him and help him because of the "scawy tuck Mommy! Scawy tuck!"? Can you imagine not being able to hold him and tell him it's ok because you're on the freeway stuck in traffic? And that, my friends, is a true story. A friend of mine was on her way home when her 2 year old alerted her to the truck with his tears. And it's through her that I now know of this truck.

~Parents are going to have to explain to 4-10+ year olds who are much too young to have to face the horrors of abortion what it is and try to explain to them that we love the people but hate the action -- something that a child that young cannot understand. It should be a parent's choice to decide when to explain abortion to their child. Most children that young will not be able to comprehend that a baby in a mommy's tummy is not equivalent to a baby outside mommy's tummy and may feel threatened themselves. It is one thing to show these pictures to a grown adult that has the emotional maturity to handle it -- it is another thing entirely to force those pictures on a young child.

~Women that have already had abortions and are in severely depressed states because of it (and research shows that most women go through major depression as a result of their abortions) are going to see these pictures. Maybe to a few it will be an eye opener of what really happened (which will simply force them into a severe depression without them knowing what resources are available to help them through it), but most others could be sent into a downward spiral with no one there to help them. We should be striving to provide support, education, and showing compassion to these women. It would be an even greater tragedy than already exists if the mothers hurt themselves or committed suicide because of something that a follower of Christ did, especially when all that Christ wants is to show these women how much he loves them and is willing to forgive them. Jesus preached against leading others into temptation, as did Paul ... we need to remember that that goes for ALL sinners. A mother who had an abortion's sin is no greater than my own in the eyes of God.

~It hurts the pro-Life cause rather than helps it because it associates all pro-Life people with this truck. It tells the world that pro-Life advocates have no problem terrifying people, as long as they get their message across. It reflects condemnation rather than compassion.


I suppose what set me off on this is that MY children should not be held as collateral damage in this "ministries" zeal to end abortion.

Is abortion wrong? YES
Does God hate abortion? YES
Does abortion break his heart? YES
Do we need to educate people on abortion? YES
Is the world wrong on when life truly begins? YES
Does legislation need to be corrected? YES

But do I believe for one moment that the "Truth Truck" honors God? NO!!!



I am praying that this organization takes this truck off the streets. I want your help in trying to get rid of it. I emailed them last night explaining why I firmly believed that this was not honoring God and how hurtful it could be. I asked them to end this crusade. Please join me in pressuring them to take it down. I know that California's legislature is being contacted by the previously mentioned mother and they are taking steps to try to stop this organization, but I would hope that with enough pressure from fellow pro-Life Christians that the organization would recognize their errors and end it on their own.

Their contact information (taken from their website):

Operation Rescue West
PO Box 601150
Sacramento, CA 95860

Phone: 800-705-1175
Fax: 916-244-2636

info@operationrescue.org