First of all, thanks to you all for being around over the last few weeks. It was good to know I could vent to ya'll or just mourn with a sympathetic ear. But I'm working on moving on with life. And my journey to a new normal started with going home!
Tuesday afternoon my mother-in-law arrived in Midland with my car. I knew that the brakes should probably be replaced before I drove anywhere else, so we dropped the car off at Midas Wednesday morning. Oh boy am I glad I did that! So many brake problems ... oy vey. But $540 and 6.5 hours later, I had my car back and we were on the road to my mother-in-law's house. In case you didn't know, she lives on the opposite side of Texas from my parents. It was an 8 hour drive. We made it a little after midnight. I spent Thursday afternoon at their house and enjoyed about 7 hours of sleep that night -- the most sleep I'd had in over a week!
Then Friday morning I woke up and decided that I wanted to make my 2 day trip to Florida take only 1 day. That's right, I drove over 16 hrs in one day ... but we made it home last night! I've enjoyed spending time with Chris -- man I missed him. And the kids are acting so much better now that we've been home.
Kairi has not stopped talking about how her daddy isn't far away anymore. She'll go up to him and say "Daddy, you far away? No! You not far away! YOU HERE!!!!!!" Get the idea that we had to tell her several times over the last month that Daddy was far away?
She also has gone through the house declaring everything she sees to be hers. ;)
"My car!"
"My plate!"
"My doctor toy!"
"My book!"
"My udder book!"
"My new toy!"
"My baby!"
"My bed!"
"My pillow!"
Alex just runs from one room to the other squealing. Oh, and apparently he's comfortable enough to begin throwing fits and saying no. He doesn't do those things in public 90% of the time, but when he's secure in his environment he does. I guess he's been pretty secure today.
Once upon a time I played the violin. Did you know that? I wasn't very good. I didn't practice, I had anxiety attacks every time I had to play solo for a chair test, and I allowed a certain orchestra director to convince me that I wouldn't be good no matter how hard I tried. So I didn't try. I just barely hung in during orchestra. And then I quit my junior year. I got tired of being told how badly I sucked by my director when one of my biggest problems with the anxiety attacks was his constant criticism before I even began playing.
So while I loved the music, I put my violins away and just knew that I would insist that my children learn at an early age and always be encouraged -- never discouraged (and REQUIRED to practice).
Well, my husband is musically talented. He's been encouraging me to at least become familiar with my instrument again, so that I can help Kairi understand the instruments and so that we can both show her a love of music.
While at home I found my old violins (well, 2 of the 3) and brought them back with me. I have spent the evening playing around on the instrument. If I'm this decent after 8-9 years of not playing, I could never have been terrible! I seriously can draw a decent sound out and definitely recognize when I'm out of tune. So I'm going to practice every day and I'm going to learn to play! I want to be confident and dedicated to the violin so that Kairi never sees me shy away from playing in front of someone. I want that confidence to be an example to her. :) Yay for the violin! Besides, it's good therapy. It always helped me feel better.
Monday I'm calling the appointment line and getting an appointment for my hands/joints. I have been avoiding making the call for various reasons, but with Grandad Wall gone, most of my excuses have also passed. And if I'm playing the violin, I'm going to need my hands to work with me!
