My Funeral Week Vent

First of all, I'm not back yet. I will be eventually. But I have to vent.


Chris, I said I'd have to vent about you before long. Here goes.

1. Don't tell me that the only reason we're not going to Midland to see MY family is because we don't have the money when your real reason is you just don't want to. I will find out ... perhaps when I have over $500 from various family memebers offer to give us money so that we can come down. And no, me driving by myself (with or without the kids -- neither is acceptable) is not going to work. I will not be in that car for that period of time without you there. It's broken down on me multiple times in the past. I'm not risking it again. The next time it breaks down on the road, you WILL be there. So man up and either tell me the truth the first time, or load your butt up in the car and go with me.

2. We were at YOUR grandmother's funeral. I knew your grandfather (the grieving husband), your parents, and your brother and sil. I had met 2 other people there, of the 50+ present. I knew no one. Thank you for not introducing me to ANYONE. For walking away from me on multiple occasions so that I was lost in the sea of people I didn't know -- that pretty much guarantees a panic attack. Thank you for not caring that I didn't get to eat 2 meals that day because I was taking care of YOUR children while you ate a large breakfast and then 2 helpings and a dessert for lunch. Do you know why I finally got to eat? Your great-great aunt insisted on making me a plate and watching the kids for 15 minutes because she realized that I had had no food. Suddenly your mom and your aunt were really worried when they realize that as well. You sat next to me and watched me scarf food down so that I could take your kids off of your great-great aunt's hands and didn't lift a finger to help either of us.

3. Again, I knew NO ONE there. Panic attacks extreme. You noticed not a one.

4. There were 4 guys in the car. You, your dad, your brother, and your 15 1/2 month old son. Out of the 3 of you who are responsible (supposedly) adults, at least one of your should have been able to remember that there was a baby in the carseat when you got to the cemetary. I don't care that you weren't sitting next to him. I don't care that he was asleep and therefore quiet. He is your SON, and he was your responsibility. The next time you leave him in the car, I will kill you. And no, you will never live this down. It is the absolute worst thing you could have done. And I will tell this story over and over and over and over and over again. Because you should have known better.
(For the record, he was in the car by himself no more than 5 minutes, and it was only 60 degrees, and they were in the shade. I quickly realized that none of the boys had him and threw a fit. They all know better now.)

5. I'm sorry that there is only one room that all 4 of us have to sleep in at your parent's house. And I'm sorry that the kids are loud in their sleep. But we're all not sleeping well. I'm probably sleeping the worst because I'm the one up and down all night long. Stop complaining about being tired. We all are. When we get home and get to sleep in our own rooms in our own bed it'll all be ok again. Well, for you, because I'll still be up and down all night long w/ at least one kid.

6. I told you about my grandad having pneumonia again as soon as I could. I didn't tell you when I first found out because we were driving to the cemetary. Then you avoided me all day. I finally saw you the next morning. I told you when I saw you. No, I wasn't trying to blackmail you into going to Midland, but I did want you to know why I was hurt that we weren't going. He's sick. Not my fault, but if I don't get to see him and something happens .... I will be upset with you for a long time.

7. I am not a single parent. I don't enjoy being one. I have to be one from time to time when you're gone, but that should be the only time I'm one. Man up and do your job. You change diapers at home, so you can do it in front of your brother and dad. You discipline at home, so you can do that in front of your brother and dad as well. You help put the kids to bed at home, do it HERE.

8. And finally, this one may seem petty, but when you knew that it would be 30 minutes before I could listen to you play the guitar because I was trying to get your kids to sleep, why couldn't you wait those 30 minutes? Seriously now. I just wanted to listen to you play. Instead I had to run in and out of the house, catch snippets of the songs, and get dirty looks from everyone because I was so distracting. It was not my fault that I had to keep going to the guest house to make sure that your son didn't climb out of his bed again. When they were finally asleep, I got to sit and listen. But by then you were just about done. Thanks again.





No, you were not absolutely terrible. But my feelings got hurt. Thank you for trying to make up for it all today. I appreciate it. I still hurt though. I hope that tomorrow's a better day. I love you ... but man, you've gotta stop pulling this crap around your family. I want them to know the good husband that you've proven you can be.